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Spirit Work for Trans Day of Remembrance

Originally posted November 11, 2025.

Trans Day of Remembrance takes place on November 20. I mark this day every year with a special, temporary altar and a dusk/dawn ritual. In the past, I've shared a picture of the altar on the day, but this year, I've decided to share the entire thing.

Please, feel free to borrow and adapt any or all parts of this post for your own rituals. I was inspired to write this in part by this post; I've adapted parts of that ritual and elaborated on the steps to make it more involved and in tune with my own practice.

Step One: Set Up a Temporary Altar Space

This can be as small as a portion of table with space for just one candle or as large as a whole dining table. I tend to use a fairly large space, because I like to fit all sorts of things. Do what makes sense for your available space and practice.

My altar contains:

  • An altar cloth, usually white or black
  • Candles, usually white, black, gray, or purple
  • Fresh flowers (roses and/or lilies, usually)
  • Space for food and drink offerings
  • Tarot cards appropriate to the message/narrative
  • One or two pieces of art I've created specifically for the altar
  • Sigils appropriate to the purpose of the altar
  • Various decorations

You can also include photos of trans folks you've known who have passed on, photos of trans historical figures, pride flags, poems or letters to the deceased, and more. If it feels right and you've got space, add it.

Consecrate the space according to your practice. For mine, I have a special incantation written specifically for consecrating any altar, space, object, or rite for the purpose of honoring the beloved dead:

The end is not the end;

A flame grows from an ember.

The dead are never truly gone;

We speak their names and remember."

Step Two: Acting at the Altar

Once the altar is set up, light your candles, invite the spirits to join you, and make your offerings of food and drink. You can do this at any time of day. I tend to do this at dinnertime.

If you've never invited spirits into your space before, you might use my method. Take a moment to focus your mind, and speak an invitation aloud. This can be as simple as "I invite the spirits of the transgender and non-binary people who have passed on this year and in previous years to join me in this sacred space of love and peace. Please, accept these offerings and allow them to empower you and bring peace to you in your afterlife.

Personally, I like to cook a hearty meal and serve a portion at the altar. I'll sit and eat my portion right there at the altar, so I often set it all up on my dining table for comfort and ease.

Even if you don't share a full meal at the altar, I would suggest sharing a drink, alcoholic or not. Water works just fine, but I like to serve something that requires a bit of effort. Often, I'll go out of my way to get a special bottle of apple wine (it's called Queen's Revenge and is fucking DELICIOUS, so it's doubly perfect), but a cup of tea, a coffee, a hot chocolate, or even a cocktail also work very well. Choose whatever makes sense to you. If you're dedicating your altar to someone you know, perhaps choose their favorite drink. Toast with a cup of your own and enjoy it with the spirits.

Allow the candles to burn down all the way. During that time, you can sit quietly, do divination to communicate with the spirits and receive guidance, eat your meal, journal, work on other things... Whatever. All that matters is that you attend the altar. Don't leave those candles burning unattended - it's a fire hazard.

Step Three: Dusk and Dawn Rites

This part is harder. Please feel free to skip it. If you fear that this will be triggering to you, please do not perform these rites.

The Dusk and Dawn Rites involve centering grief, rage, and loss, and then hope, faith, and determination, respectively. This involves holding vigil over a candle for as long as it takes to read through all of the names listed for this previous period (Oct 1, 2024 to Sept 30, 2025) on the TDoR website. It also involves waking up before dawn to watch the sunrise with a hearty breakfast.

Dusk:

You will need these materials:

  • Black candle
  • Oils, herbs, carving tool, etc. if you'd like to dress and decorate your candle
  • The TDoR website, open to the appropriate list of names (I like to have the thumbnail photos)

Prepare your candle if you want by anointing it with oils and herbs, carving it, and so forth. Personally, I'll be using a wax pen to write a series of personal sigils down the side. Ideally, acknowledge death and grief here.

At dusk, while the sky isn't quite fully dark yet, light a black candle. You can do this at your altar or away from it, whichever you prefer. Ideally, have a view of the sky from wherever you set up.

Read through the names. Cry. Grieve. Feel the loss. Be pissed.

Once you've read through every name on the site, if you have trans loved ones who have passed away at any time, please take a moment to think about them.

If you can, step outside with your lit candle. If not, stand near a window, ideally open. Invite the spirits you've drawn to your sacred altar space to follow you. Feel their presence, hold them close.

Then, when you feel the time is right, let them go. Ask them to go in peace, taking the energy you've gifted to them during these rites as an offering of love and respect. Envision, feel, or otherwise know as their spirits fly free into the night sky.

Blow out the candle. Take a few more moments to cry. It'll probably hurt a lot at this point, but it should feel somewhat cathartic.

Perform aftercare. Have a drink of water, take a shower or bath, eat a snack, and otherwise wash away the most acute sorrow you feel. Get an early night, because you're going to be up before sunrise.

Dawn:

You will need these materials:

  • White or yellow candle
  • Oils, herbs, carving tool, etc. if you'd like to dress or decorate your candle
  • A hot beverage of your choice
  • A hearty, filling breakfast of your choice

Prepare your candle as desired ahead of time (trust me, you don't want to do this at fuck o'clock in the morning). For mine, I'll be writing another set of personal sigils using a wax pen. Ideally, make the message hopeful for the future.

Before sunrise, make a hot drink and breakfast. I like to make coffee with a packet of dark chocolate hot cocoa in it with a plate of eggs, bacon, and toast smeared with jelly.

Take your food and candle to wherever you performed the Dusk Rites. Bundle up if you go outside.

I like to try and time this part to the exact moment that the sun crests over the hills. Say a quiet "good morning" - to the world, to the spirits you encountered last night, and to yourself. Fill these two simple words with as much determination and hope as you can. They're the start of a new day. Treat them as such.

Eat your breakfast. You can make a separate plate for the spirits if you want, but this part is about the living: you.

Take a deep breath. Promise to do your best, aloud or in your mind. Feel it in your heart. Watch the sun rise as long as you can stand the cold, or until it's fully risen.

Clean up, and go about your day.

Step Four: Remember and Fight

The key components to these rituals is to grieve, choose hope, and remember. It's important that we honor those who have lost their lives in any way that we can.

The world sucks sometimes. It's hard out there.

Part of remembering the dead is remembering the living - including yourself. Be there for your community. Volunteer, go to events, donate when you can, and make connections. If you're there for the community, the community will be there for you.

Don't go down without a fight. Find meaning wherever you can. Pick a cause and get wildly passionate about it. Choose something worthwhile to live for.

Protest. Vote. Be heard. One voice is quiet, but a thousand voices all shouting together is fucking loud. Imagine a million. Be one of a million.

Grieve. Shout. Celebrate.

"During the darkest days of the AIDS crisis we buried our friends in the morning, we protested in the afternoon, and we danced all night, and it was the dance that kept us in the fight because it was the dance we were fighting for." – Dan Savage