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The Pickled Pickle Hex

Originally posted October 8, 2021 on Tumblr.

I believe that the best defense is a good offense. When someone has done us wrong, and continues to do us wrong, we must forcefully put a stop to it for our own good. This blog is hex positive, because sometimes, I need to put an asshole in their place. And sometimes, the first step to protecting our energy is to purge the things that are hurting us - without hesitation.

This was the first hex I ever performed. Designed to punish a cheating and abusive ex, my goal was to curse a specific man with perpetually terrible sex and to ruin his prospects of ever attracting someone else into his web of lies. Although I created this with one cis man in mind, I've cast this hex for friends and have found this hex to be useful against shitty partners of all genders.

(Plus, dill pickles are delicious.)

Ingredients

  • 1 Cucumber (or a handful of pickling cucumbers of your choice)
  • 3 to 4 sprigs of Fresh Dill (or 2 teaspoons of Dried Dill)
  • 3 to 4 cloves of Garlic
  • 1 cup Water
  • 1 cup Distilled White Vinegar
  • 2 tablespoons Salt (pickling salt is best, but kosher salt also works)
  • 2 teaspoons Peppercorns (ground black pepper also works)
  • Mason Jar with Lid
  • Optional additions for extra oomph and suffering include: hot peppers (jalapenos and habaneros are my go-tos), red chili flakes, and onions

Instructions

  1. Think about the person you're hexing. Consider all the things they've done, and the consequences you are putting in place. Whether it's an abstract image of their sex life and relationships or a specific image of their actual "bits," know that they are the cucumber. This is a very important step, so take your time getting properly vindictive. Feel free to shit-talk the cucumber - it might feel silly, but trust me when I say that it makes the next step very satisfying. Take a moment also to cast any protections, circles, etc., that you like.
  2. Once you're ready, with a very sharp knife, slice your cucumber into rounds (or spears if using pickling cucumbers). Really take out your frustrations here, but be careful not to cut your fingers. The rounds should be as thick as you want; I usually go for about a quarter of an inch. Add the cucumber slices to the jar.
  3. Crush the cloves of garlic and discard the skins. Add the garlic to the jar. These are the aspect of the spell that will repel partners. Imagine their aura (or, again, their actual bits) radiating a pungent garlic odor. Not very sexy, huh? That's the spirit.
  4. Add your peppercorns, which are another banishing ingredient meant to condemn the target to loneliness, and the dill to the jar. Dill is most typically used for love, luck, and breaking curses. So why use it in this hex? When combined with the peppercorns, garlic, and eventually the vinegar, the meaning reverses. You are specifically repelling luck in love and relationships, and it has the added benefit of making this hex very difficult to break out of.
  5. If you are adding extra ingredients, put them in the jar now. Peppers are especially good if you are wishing for - ahem - intimate discomfort. Be advised, a friend of mine requested very hot peppers in their jar (for taste and oomph), and their target contracted a painful, non-fatal UTI. Effective, though not what I expected.
  6. Heat your water, vinegar, and salt in a saucepan. Let it infuse until the salt is dissolved, which will take about a minute. Since this is the preservative mixture, this is what will make the hex last. Set your duration while stirring the mixture; or don't! You could also create a set of conditions under which they could free themselves, such as apologizing or suffering in a specific way. See my note below on what happens if you don't set a duration or freeing condition for the hex.
  7. Let the mixture cool slightly before pouring it over the cucumbers. Feel free to put all your anger into this - imagine the liquid scalding their psyche, already taking effect. Let the jar cool to room temperature before putting the lid on and storing it in the fridge.
  8. Let the cucumbers pickle for 7 days. This time is crucial, both for flavor and for the spell. As the vinegar penetrates the cucumbers, the spell takes hold. Let the spell do its work. Ignore all calls and messages from the target. Know that the consequences are taking shape.
  9. After 7 days, you can enjoy the pickles. They're effective and delicious! As you eat them, enjoy the taste of their suffering and regret. They'll keep in the fridge for several weeks.

Spell Notes

  • To make the spell mostly-permanent, don’t include a duration or freedom condition in step 6. Instead, be sure to eat every single pickle. Now, once the pickles are gone, they could break out of the spell with enough concentrated effort, and the spell will naturally wear away over time.
  • If you don’t include a duration but decide that your target has suffered enough before all pickles are gone, you can voluntarily free them by burying the last pickle(s). Be sure to do so far away from your home.
  • Anytime I cast a hex or other baneful working, I take some time for myself. Enjoy your favorite drink and snack, have a cleansing bath or shower, and relax with your favorite movie. You deserve peace - that’s the whole point.